I had the great honor of being an Aunt to Lalia.....I still am her Aunt and always will be. This girl was simply amazing! An angel sent to Heaven while only a short stay, she enriched and taught us so much. My heart is broken...yet at peace. We know she is now healthy and whole...I smile when I think of her in her perfect home. My heart hurts for Vicki and Walid. Vicki's my sister and to see her hurting so bad is so hard. I pray her spirit is not forever crushed...but someday she will look upon this time as a remarkable time spent with her angel daughter.

Lalia...I love you and I'll see you again...xoxo

This thing called Hope....

I don't know what I'm going to write or if I'm going to publish what I write. I just feel the need to write....to pour my heart out. First of all....God made two very amazing twin sisters! They amaze us each and every day...I pray not only for them but for the other babies in the NICU and NICU ICU. Babies that I hope are as loved as these girls. All babies should be loved and cared for. If I could...I'd gladly give parts of my body away to help the girls and the other sick babies to live. My kidneys...liver....lungs and even my heart. I'd do it for my boys in a heartbeat...I'd do anything to help them live. We're all in a place where we're all so helpless...and that is where Faith and Hope come in! We are weak....but he is strong. Praying tonight that this small seed we call Hope, blooms into a beautiful garden for these girls. A place of wonder and delight....where they are healthy and whole and at home with their Mama chasing the dogs and picking blackberries. This is our hope and dream...we know not what God's plan is...but we know that it'll be for the best. And so continue, the prayers and thanksgiving for bringing these two beauties into our lives. Thank you God!

Comfort...

Yesterday in the hospital chapel I prayed and prayed for Lalia. I know with out a doubt that God is hearing my prayers. I'm glad I went down to the chapel...God met me there and I could feel his comforting presence. I know that no matter what happens, God will never leave us or forsake us. When I read that verse at my highschool graduation ceremony in front of all those people...little did I know that years down the road that verse would become so pivital in my life. This is his promise to us and one that I believe without a doubt. Tragedy will befall us...but God never leaves us during these times. He stands with us...holding us and comforting us. I'm so thankful for this.

Yesterday was a very hard day...and we don't know what is on the horizon. Praying for you sweet Lalia. Praying for you sweet Aliya. You girls have stolen our hearts! We love you. xoxoxo

More thoughts...

Every day is filled with Gods Grace. But do we see and feel it in the good times as well as the bad? Something I've been thinking much on lately. Do we praise God not only in the easy times but in the hard times as well? How far does our faith and loyalty reach? It's seems like when times are breezy....we say oh Thank God......but when the hand has changed...we say Thank God? Thank God for what? For the pain.?..the suffering.?...yes....thank him for such things because out of such hardships come such blessings. WE go through the fire so God can refine us. Is it not amazing and wonderful that we are being refined my God himself? A powerful thought for me!

I love God with my whole being....but I have not always been so strong in my faith. There was a time when I didn't care to say too much about it to others. I still won't force it on people or push it down their throats....but what I most want people to remember about me when I die are a few things. My love for God.....my family and my love in helping others. These treasures I hope people will remember me for. What do you want to be remembered for? What are the closest things to you heart? I think of Lalia and Aliya and what they face everyday.... I saw God in them when I last saw them. God is everywhere....he's among us all....no matter how big or small we are. Growing up and even now...there are so many times when I want to give God a great big hug. I've come to realize when we reach out to others...we are indeed hugging the God of the universe. That for me, is huge.

Thoughts

I'm thankful for everyone who's thinking and praying for the girls. It's truly a blessing. One thing I have to remember though is that my families emergency's are not other peoples. Sometimes I feel like those around me should have the same care and concern that I have over the girls. I have to realize that they care, but in a different way. This situation is personal to me because these are my nieces and I love them so much. I hurt for all children who get sick and hurt but of course it hits harder when it's family. When John and Jillian brought Savannah home, my feelings I'm sure were different than other people outside the family. I still get teary when I think of the first time we saw her picture on the computer. I have certain feelings for Chloe and Charlotte too that others of course won't have. I love my family...can you tell? :) Sometimes I get upset when it seems like others don't think or feel the way I do. Silly....I know and wrong...because everyone has their own issues that they are dealing with and they need their energy to go there. I use to take on other people's hurts so strongly that it was not healthy for me. That's one of the reasons why I stopped blogging in the first place. I was getting too involved in the hurts of others. I was taking them on as if they were my own. I've since learned that I cannot not do that. It was and is just too much. So in saying that, I should not expect others to do that with my families challenges. It's just too much.

Crazy Holidays...

So working in retail really puts a whole new spin on things. Take for example...holidays. I still enjoy these grand events, however working the day before Easter and the day of Easter makes me cringe with a great big ughhh. Let me explain....the store was absolutely crowded with the typical last minute shoppers. No mean shoppers(thank goodness) just in a hurry...stressed and tired people coming through my line. Oh and speaking of lines?!?!? We had at every register open and still had long lines!!

If I don't see another chocolate bunny...Easter basket and Easter candy for the rest of my life, at this point...I'd be ok :) Speaking of candy....people will come in and my gobs of it before...during and after(it goes on sale) Easter. Don't get me wrong...I too love these holidays and the fun that goes along with them. But in my opinion and now more than ever since working retail... society has become way too materialistic and along with that comes the commercialism of the Holidays.

Growing up for Easter....we dyed eggs...found the eggs a day or two later...and had a chocolate bunny. Of course we went to church to celebrate the what and who Easter really stands for..but as far as the stuff...that was it. And you know what? We had great Easters and were not lacking for anything! Where have these days gone? Days of simple celebrating. Days of what the holiday REALLY means...days of businesses being closed so families can be together. I miss those days...